I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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