Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
