No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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