It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
