Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
