but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
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