i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
