Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
