she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
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