That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
