Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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