Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
