Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
