Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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