This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
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