lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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