Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
...so i touched it.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I wish you could order shots online.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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