Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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