oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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