a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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