508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Randomize
