at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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