so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
