i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
