Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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