it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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