ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
