I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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