I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
the raccoons are back...
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
