i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
