If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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