dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
