If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
