he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
