I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
