I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Randomize
