He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Randomize
