around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
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