he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
