New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
