Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
