If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Randomize
