She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
