Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
