I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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