My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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