Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
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