I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
