dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
