in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
